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Saturday, September 4th, 2004
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10:03 am - Fat ass returns...
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Diet ? What diet ? I am so disappointed in myself. I needed to stop the Atkins diet because it was making me sick. I was pretty excited about it at first because cheeseburgers sound so damn appealing, but in reality I am sick to death of them and most of the other things you are allowed on Atkins are things I don't care for anyway.
I vow that today I will go for a walk. My promise to myself.
current mood:  determined
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| Monday, August 30th, 2004
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10:36 am - Back to the old grind....
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The shower went fine. There wasn't very many people, but it was nice.
The other bridesmaids did nothing. Debbie and Becky didn't lift a finger to set out the food, clean up the food, didn't help with any games, throwing things away or anything. Lisa, one of the other bridesmaids, didn't get there until 4:30 pm. She had to work. She had originaly taken off Saturday for the shower because Michelle had told her it was Saturday and once she discovered it was Sunday, she couldn't get back off of work. Poor thing.
Also found out that Becky didn't receive an invitation at all ! (one of the bridesmaids !)
Michelle did ok but she kept asking my opinion on everything. (Should we do the games now ? Should we eat now ? etc.) I guess I was kind of flattered but I just wish everything was more organized.
The food was good and there was plenty. (Lack of people to eat it !) We had veggie pizza, hot ham and turkey sandwiches, an apple and snicker salad (despite the fact that it sounds weird, it was very tasty !)the cheese and sausage tray I made, the pasta salad that my mom made, a fruit platter and a veggie platter. The cake was also very pretty and tasted good.
The games went well but we had wayyyyyyy to many prizes because we had obviously anticipated many more people. So everyone got a bunch. :)
Sue seemed pleased.
Alli was such a good girl and was a very big help. She helped read the questions and answers for the trivia game, collected trash to be throw away, etc. I was so proud of her !
current mood:  satisfied
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| Friday, August 27th, 2004
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3:19 pm - Just another bitchfest
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Things have been going pretty good lately but I still have one big bitch.....Sue's Bridal Shower.
This Sunday there is a Bridal Shower for Sue at Michelle's house. Michelle is the maid of honor. Unfortunately, the invitations said "Given By The Bridesmaids", which includes me.
Well, when Michelle first called me about the shower all she did was bitch and complain saying she had no money for the shower and what a pain in the ass it was to have a shower and in general, she was just disgusted that the responsibility fell on her. I told her to get all the bridesmaids to do their share, share costs and responsibilities etc.
Michelle wanted to have it on August 29th. Both my mom and I thought that this wasn't allot of notice but ok. Michelle calls the bride (Sue) and tells her the shower will be on August 29th at 1pm. That pissed me off from the beginning. You don't tell the damn bride about it !
I think that most brides are suspicious each time they are invited out somewhere when their wedding date draws near. In fact, I think many brides just know. I know I did. My wedding was coming up and my friend invited me out on a Sunday afternoon with out of the ordinary plans and the next thing you know we pulled up in a parking lot that contained every single car belonging to a family member of mine. I just knew. But nobody came right out and damn told me. I just think Michelle was tacky in doing that.
So instead of us girls getting an invite list together, she asks Sue for one. So Sue immediately starts writing out a list for Michelle.
In the meantime, Sue calls her stepmom Terri and tells her that the shower will be on August 29th. Terri (who seems like a bitch anyhow) tells Sue, "Have fun because I won't be there...it's on my birthday !". Well Sue finds out from her dad (without Terri's knowledge) that the reason Terri was kind of upset was that she (Terri) was going to throw Sue a bridal shower. (Get a nice hall and everything).
So my mom calls Terri to try and figure out if Terri was still going to have a shower for Sue or not. We were hoping that it would put a nix on the August 29th shower because it was disastrous even in the planning stages. (Because Michelle told Sue about it, it was going to be short notice , etc.)
So my mom and Terri developed a plan. Terri would call Sue and ask her to invite Gary and Lori (my parents) out to dinner with them and Tim and Sue. (Parents of the couple and the couple themselves). It wouldn't really be a lunch date...it was the way to get her to the shower. I thought it sounded much better because Sue wouldn't know about it and we would have more time to plan it. But Michelle refused to cancel her plans for the August 29th shower. I was disappointed.
So anyway, Sue quickly mailed Michelle the guest list. Michelle claims she never got it. To make a long story short, most people received their invitations to the shower on Tuesday, August 24th for a Bridal Shower on August 29th.
To make matters worse, my mom and I were worried about the food. There was about 40 people invited and Michelle didn't plan very well for food. It was to be hot ham and turkey sandwiches, a salad of some sort, a veggie tray and a cake. That didn't seem like much and I offered to bring a cheese and sausage platter with crackers.
So my mom and I were going to nose around and see what the food situation was and then bring an extra salad or two just to be on the safe side.
Because of Michelle's planning, we were also very concerned about things being forgotten. Things like cups, napkins, silverware, etc. So my mom offered to bring those. (By saying she had a friend that worked at a party supply store that could get us a discount.) This was a lie of course but my mom didn't want to seem like she was insulting Michelle. Michelle said ok.
I don't care very much for Sue. Sad but true. But at the same time, this is going to be my brother's wife and I was a little upset that not only was this shower going to be a bust, but MY NAME and MY DAUGHTER'S NAMES are on the line too. (As it is given by the bridesmaids). I do think Sue deserves better.
So I went to work. Told Michelle I would help with the shower games, some of the prizes, etc. I also made sure to write notes to myself reminding myself to bring things like pens or pencils for people to write with, a bowl to draw numbers out of, etc. because I doubted that Michelle was going to be very organized.
So I came up with a few games after searching around on the net for awhile.
Game 1- Sue and Tim trivia. How well do you know the bride and groom ? 1 point for each correct answer. Prizes given to the top scorers.
Game 2- Hot Potato game. Guests will pass around a sealed box for around 2-3 minutes. When the timer goes off, the person holding the box will have to wear (for the rest of the shower) whatever is inside the box. I figure that most people will try to get rid of the box because they thing something silly will be inside. (Like a shower cap, or silly hat). But inside there is going to be a beautiful corsage. :)
Game 3- Well not really a game...just an activity. I will present Sue with a gift, wrapped in beautiful purple paper. I will then instruct her to remove one layer of the paper and read the instructions. The instructions will say something like, "Give this gift to a person wearing blue" and tell them to unwrap one layer. This person will unwrap one layer and give it to the next person. (Someone wearing earrings, introduce yourself to someone you haven't met before, etc.) and it will keep progressing around the room like this. Finally on the second to last layer it will instruct the person to give the box to the bride to be and Sue will unwrap the last layer. Inside is some chocolate body frosting and flavored whip cream. :)
Game 4- This is just a numbers game. When everyone arrives at the shower, Alli will greet them and ask them for their name for their nametag. Alli will write their name on the nametag and give it to the guest. Name tags are numbered and later we will draw numbers for little prizes.
On top of this, I bought some little prizes such as a photo frame, brownie mix (one of those rabbit creek kind that comes in the decorative bag), some candles and then I am going to make a few products as well. (Lotion, shower gel, etc.)
Lastly, I had these special favors made that look like matchbooks. But when you open them up, there is mints inside. I had them done with different wedding type pictures on them. (The rings, a wedding cake, bride and groom, etc.)and did them in the wedding colors. (Purple and silver). Then the little saying on it says, "Susan's Bridal Shower- The long wait is almost over, on October 16th, she'll be Mrs. Grover !"
I printed out the sheets for the trivia game on pretty lavender paper with a wedding cake on it and personalized with the bride's name and shower date. I also made the little tags with the instructions for passing the "racy, sexy" gift around with a wedding cake on it, and in colors to match the wedding. I then took purple and silver crayons and decorated them even further. (They are going to be throw out but little details are important !)
I am coming down a day early to make up my cheese and sausage tray the night before and so that my mom and I can make a few extra salads to bring along. I am going to the shower early to help Michelle set things up as well.
My last two conversations with Michelle in a nutshell....Michelle was just going to serve soda. I suggested we serve coffee and soda because allot of people do not drink soda and would rather have coffee with their cake. She had never thought of that. (Duh !)
And then the conversation earlier today (keep in mind that today is Friday afternoon and the shower is Sunday !) so far for RSVP's she has 1 yes and 5 nos.
So at the moment it sits like this... The 5 bridesmaids, Alli (my daughter the Junior Bridesmaid) my mom, Sue's stepmom, Sue's two grandmas and 1 friend of Sue's. We have like 11 people. This is so disappointing.
People aren't coming because people had like 5 days notice of the shower. Even two of my aunts cannot come because Sherry already had tickets to the Milwaukee mile and Penny had plans to go out of town with Larry already.
To make matters worse, Sue's stepmom (Terri) didn't even receive her invitation !!
It is just an utter disaster. I am rather pissed because the other bridesmaids have done squat and all of our names are on the invite. I am ashamed of Michelle and think she made a mess of this shower due to poor planning and her inability to be flexible.
Michelle is supposed to call me tonight with a list of people that were invited, who responded and who didn't, etc. I just hope that people show up on Sunday that hadn't replied. 11 people (6 of them being in the wedding party) is just not going to cut it.
current mood: pissed off
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| Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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11:38 am - Stress Relievin'
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Yesterday I grabbed the reins and guided the workday so that we could get more accomplished. Then late last night I worked for about an hour and Jon and Alli helped and it made things a bit easier. Today I have things going according to plan as well. Hopefully we will get more caught up and I will have less on my mind and stop being stressed all the time.
I weighed 261 pounds this morning. I wish Aunt Til would go away because I feel like I am retaining allot of water again now.
I tried on my bridesmaid dress again yesterday. It fit, but I will need the bust brought in a bit. I look like a fucking football player. Top heavy. Shaped like a V. There is no nice way to wear that sash to minimize my shoulders without it draping down and covering up the dress. Beautiful dress. Cost loads and I still feel ugly wearing it. :(
So I am still going to try to keep losing weight and maybe if I am lucky I will be able to exchange the dress for 1 size lower before the wedding. Alli's needs some serious alterations.
I called David's Bridal last night and they said that people usually start bringing in their dresses for alterations about 6 weeks prior to the wedding. We are currently at 7 weeks and 3 days. So I think that next week I really need to revisit the idea about swapping dresses for 1 size smaller.
Here's my dilemma.... I fit in my dress now. It's a size 24. I do need the bust taking in a bit because when I raise my arms I feel like my breasts are going to pop right out of it.
My tummy is what is keeping me from a size 22. So I can work on my tummy this week and see what I can do about it. I know that I could get into this 22 with no problem in 7 weeks *BUT* I worry about taking the dress in too late for alterations. The lady said they could take them in with as little as 2 weeks before the wedding, but that there would be a rush charge. So I really need to think about this more.
I could just say screw it and have the bust taken in on this one but I would prefer to lose a bit more weight and feel a bit better about myself at the wedding instead. I mean come on...this is my self esteem we are talking about here.
Last night, Jon and I listened to a relaxing CD that Kathleen loaned to me. I didn't care for it but it put me to sleep. I think because I was bored. It just wasn't my style. I would have fallen asleep anyway, because I was pretty tired.
The whole gang is here working right now. Jon, Alli, Mary, Dianna, Zack and me. They would get allot more done if they all didn't yap so much. Jon is pretty good and so is Dianna. But everyone else could get allot more done if they didn't talk so damn much. And they talk LOUD !
I keep taking labels downstairs and while I am down there I am making sure people are doing what they are supposed to be doing.
That's it for now...
current mood:  working
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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9:10 am - Insert Witty Subject Line Here
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Yesterday Jon and I both had a dentist appointment. It was pretty uneventful. He put a temporary medicated filling in one of my teeth, but I felt nothing so it was ok.
Jon and Alli thought it was pretty funny that the whole left side of my face was numb. Jon kept asking me to make a "pucker" face and then would laugh hysterically when I would do it because my lip on the left side would droop down.
We are so behind in work that I am really, really stressed out. Money is tight and it seems all the money is going to pay the employees right now. I really have to construct a good plan about getting caught up.
Aunt Til rages on which makes me miserable of course.
I picked up a few things for the bridal shower on Sunday. I bought a bag of Rabbit Creek Brownie mix as one of the prizes. It comes in a pretty decorative bag. I also brought some Chocolate body frosting that is going to be for Sue. I am going to buy a can of whipped cream to go with it. :)
I got the mint book favors that I ordered yesterday and they look nice. I hope Sue likes them. I also got the samples of the tins I ordered for the special wedding favors I am making for their wedding. I decided on the 6 oz. size. Now I just need to come up with the money to order all the supplies because they are expensive little favors.
I am going to put whole coffee beans inside the little tins and then am having a custom label printed that says, "The Perfect Blend" with their names and wedding date. I am going to tie them with big silk organza ribbons. They are going to be beautiful. I am only going to make about 50 or so as they already have tulle favors for all the guests. (200+).
My van is broken. It's been at my moms for a few weeks now and I have her van up north here. My mom spent lots of money fixing it and I feel badly about that. She says, "well it has to be fixed, I can't have you guys breaking down up there". I wish I just had a ton of money right now and could pay for it myself. Bless my moms heart, she is so generous.
current mood:  stressed
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| Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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9:18 am - 10 1/2 less worries...
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My official weight this morning after 1 week on the Atkins diet is 264 lbs. That means that in 7 days I lost 10.5 lbs ! Yeah me ! That's 10 1/2 pounds I don't have to worry about for the wedding.
I am standing up in my brother's wedding October 16th and I do not want to be the fattest bridesmaid. I think the honor belongs to a girl that had to have panels sewn into her dress. I didn't have to go that far but then again I fit in the dress when I bought it and I really should try it on again to make sure I sitll fit in it, because I had gained weight from when I bought the dress. Since Aunt Til is here I think I will wait until next week to try it on.
I got my wedding invitation on Saturday. Still did not get the bridal shower invitation which is scheduled for the 29th. That Michelle is so damn unorganized ! Maybe I will get it in today's mail. How silly to receive an invitation to a bridal shower 6 days before the actual shower. Ugggh !
Jon and I fought yesterday. It all started with that game again. When Jon gets mad, look out. Jon thinks his anger is a free ticket to do and say whatever the hell he wants. He makes dumb faces, laughs at you, calls you names, refuses to answer questions or refuses to speak altogether. It makes it very hard to get your feelings heard and is very frustrating. We did spend some time together last night and he didn't play that blasted game so all is well this morning.
Jon and I both have a dentist appointment today at noon. First appt. with this dentist so nothing exciting will probably be done. Probably x-rays and shit.
I am not taking my Metformin until I get home because it does give me an upset tummy and I don't want to be sick on the long ride back from Green Lake.
current mood:  blah
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| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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10:09 am - Sunday Check In
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Well the only good thing about the day so far was that I weighed myself. 262.5 !! That's awesome considering that I weighed 274 on Monday. :)
Alli went with Katie and her mom shopping this morning. The girls made up this plan late last night. I hate when Alli does that. I would have liked to give her a bit of spending money, but I was not about to drive 26 miles to get money out of the Tyme machine at 8:30 at night. She had $3.00 and Jon gave her what he had on him, which was about $5, so I hope she finds happiness today with 8 bucks. I told her that the next time she makes plans at the last minute, the answer will be no and she will not be able to go.
So instead of sleeping in on Sunday, I had to get up early to make sure Alli was all ready. I wish at 11 years old, she didn't need me to tell her everything she needs to do. (Take a shower, eat breakfast, etc.) And she tried to put on the same skirt she had on yesterday which was all wrinkled. And she was wearing this annoying little pair of flip flops. So I made her change and put on some tennis shoes that would be better for mall walking and shopping.
Then Jon gets up because he says it is not very nice of him to sleep while I have to get up. (Let's not forget that he promised to get up with Alli today so that I could sleep because I have had a very hard time sleeping lately). So finally, right before Alli leaves he gets up.
Guess where he is now ? No, wait...you will never guess. (Blatant sarcasm).That's right he parked his ass in front of the god damn games again. I told him last night that we needed to work today and he sits down in front of the friggin game first thing. I am so sick of those games and his addiction to them.
So other than the weight thing, my day started off like shit. Just a continuation of the shitty day I had yesterday.
current mood:  cranky
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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11:27 pm - Saturday Misc. Crap
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Let's see...lots of little stuff to report.
My soon to be nephew Tristan got hit on the butt, with a belt by his father for trying to give the cat a bath. This happened about a week ago. Now I know that a 5 year old trying to give the kitty a bath can be awful messy and tick someone off, but his father hit him several times, really hard and then asked him if he wanted more. Tristan of course said no but his dad hit him again with the belt a few more times.
Let it be known that Dan (Tristan's dad) has had problems in the past with his temper and had hit Sue on several occasions, which ultimately led to Sue and Dan's divorce. Tristan was at Dan's house for visitation when this happened.
Previously, Sue and Dan had agreed never to hit Tristan with a belt. So Sue was upset and crying because Tristan was scared to death. She got in touch with a lawyer who is going to not only going after supervised visits, but is going to fight to order Dan to undergo anger management classes too. He is supposed to get served with papers either today or Monday.
So Sue, Tristan and my brother Tim (my brother is marrying Sue in October)spent the night by my mom's last night because they were worried Dan was going to be served and come cause some trouble.
Well today, Tristan was taking a bath at my mom's house. He yelled that he was done so my mom (his soon to be grandma) went in to the bathroom. She told him to unplug the tub so that the water would drain out. When he turned around to pull the plug my mom saw a huge black and blue mark on Tristan's butt.
To make a long story short, Sue called Tristan's doctor and the doctor told her to take Tristan to the children's hospital so that they could look at it and determine if it could possibly be from the belt or if perhaps Tristan had just fallen off his bike, fell down, bumped himself or whatever.
The abuse team at the hospital determined that it was an old bruise from about a week ago (when Tristan got hit with the belt) and that is was caused from a 2 inch belt buckle.
At the time Tristan got the spanking, he was wearing his underwear and a pair of jeans. Do you know how hard his dad had to hit him to leave that kind of mark through underwear and jeans ? It really pisses me off !
Anyway, Tristan got examined by a slew of doctors who all came to the same conclusion. They then called Social Services to open an abuse case against Dan. Then poor little Tristan had to go to the local police department and have his butt photographed.
I am proud of Sue and my brother for taking all the steps they did to help prevent this from happening to Tristan again. I am angry with Dan and I feel a world of hurt for Tristan who had to not only go through that hard of a beating, but who also had to have his butt looked at by half the free world and then have pictures taken of it. On top of that, I am sure the poor little guy is going to have to deal with feelings of guilt, etc. when all this comes down on Dan. I don't feel sorry for Dan but to a 5 year old...hwo is he going to feel when he knows something he disclosed caused his daddy allot of hurt ? Everyone just keeps reassuring Tristan that he did nothing wrong and trying to explain to him why and how he did the right thing.
In other news... my dad drove up and picked Jon up to go fishing at about 6:15am this morning. I was going to use the whole day to work on See Jane Productions. So off Jon and my dad and Grandpa John went to fish and I started working. (Alli was by her friend Katie's and Timmy was asleep).I worked for a little while and then was too tired to continue so I went back to bed and woke up at 11. I gave Timmy his medicine and started his feeding and stuff, took a shower, called my mom and then went back to work. I just sat down at my desk when Jon called asking me to come pick him up because they were done fishing. I could tell Jon was kinda bummed out because he thought they were going to fish the entire day. Poor guy. Well, at least they did catch lots of fish. My plans for the day of uninterrupted work on the website were screwed.
Other than that, I spent a good deal of the night looking at and deciding on games I wanted to play at Sue's bridal shower, which is the 29th. I came up with a list and told my mom about some of the games I had read about. She shot down most of the ideas and it kinda pissed me off.
First off, I am not Sue's biggest fan, but I think the maid of honor is doing a horrible job with this shower and I have vowed to do the best I can to make the shower a success. Today is the 21s and she just mailed out the invitations to the shower on the 29th. Now how stupid is that ? On top of that, she told Sue about the shower.
Uggghh ! So anyway, I am doing the best I can and me and my mom said we were going to nose around and find out what else we can do to ensure the shower is not a total flop.
I am still having problems with constipation. And on top of this, Aunt Til either decided to visit (after like 8 or 9 months of absence) *or* I have strained so hard trying to go to the bathroom that I somehow induced her visit. I dunno.
So overall, my day kinda sucked.
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| Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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9:11 pm - My Reintroduction
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Wow...loads has changed in my life since I stopped posting to my LJ. First off, I have been in counseling for nearly a year now.
It all started when I couldn't handle Jon's drinking anymore. After a horrible incident which involved him throwing up his own teeth, I basically said enough was enough. And I wanted to mean it this time. I knew at the time that I said enough is enough that I could never follow through if it came right down to it. And I wanted to. I needed to. For me and for the kids.
So Jon signed up for some classes to deal with his alcoholism and I signed up for therapy because I was searching for a way to help him stay sober. Only I got so much more for myself than I had ever imagined.
I went into therapy being a total finger pointer. (all his fault I tell ya !) I have learned that I truly was a person that I despised. I was jealous, manipulative and worked so hard to prevent myself from being hurt again, that I usually ended up hurting myself and hurting those around me. I won't go as far as to say that I made Jon drink, but I will say that I was certainly a strong contributing factor. :)
After nearly a year of therapy, I am starting to like myself a little at a time. I have learned to do things differently. I try not to freak out and be jealous and instead share my thoughts and feelings with Jon. It doesn't always work out perfectly but we sure are allot better off than we used to be.
My patience is developing and I am less suspicious and less on edge. I have learned to control my temper better and to take more things in stride than I used to.
It really shocked me and made me feel bad to read through my own posts from the past in which I mentioned that I wanted to "Bodyslam that fucker". (Meaning Jon). I am sure at the time I was frustrated and that I wasn't *really* going to bodyslam him (first off, I wouldn't even know *how* to bodyslam someone)but the mere fact that I said it was pretty troubling to me to reread. :(
Tomorrow..in fact in less than 3 hours, my beloved Jon will have been sober for 1 year. I wish there was a way I could repay him for his contributions in helping our marriage.
First off, he completed 28 classes for help with alcoholism. I never thought he would have stayed and finished. These are classes that the court usually makes you take when you have had a DUI or have had an arrest for narcotics or something. Jon was the only volunteer. He actually signed up on his on free will and I am terribly proud of him for that.
I want to come up with the words to express to him what his commitment and struggles have meant to me. I have been thinking for the past few days about it.
As you have read, I am on the Atkins diet. It's out of sheer desperation. My brother is getting married on October 16th and I am standing up. Yikes...I do not want to be the fattest bridesmaid. It just eats at me terribly and finally...only 8 weeks before the wedding did I get motivated enough to actually do something about it. Like I told Jon- even if I lose only 20 lbs., it will be 20 less things for me to be self conscious about at the wedding.
I am dying for a Mountain Dew in the worst way. Up until Monday I drank 12 cans a day. Gee...maybe that was why I was fat ! I have not touched a drop since I have started. I had horrible, excruciating headaches the first three days but they have subsided today. The fact that the scale has shown an 8.5 pon loss since I started only a few days ago has been keeping me motivated.
I went to the OB/GYN today. Nice lady. She put me on Metformin (Glucophage) for my PCOS. I am not going to start taking it until tomorrow sometime because it is supposed to give you a terribly upset stomach and diarrhea at first. Since Jon has an appt. all the way in Fond Du Lac at the dermatologist tomorrow I don't want to be too sick to take him.
The OB had to do a biopsy today and let me tell you...if you thought your yearly PAP was bad....it is mild compared to this. Basically they insert a clamp to open you up, inch your cervix and then ram a straw like object in there to get a sample of the uterine lining. It felt like the worst period cramps from hell. Truly awful. When I left there we went to Walgreens to get my prescription and I was not feeling to well. I ended up throwing up in a liquor store parking lot.
We had gone there to get a bottle of 100 proof vodka, which is used to make our room sprays for our business. As I was throwing up out the van door, I was thinking what it must look like to the people that were coming out of Subway on the other side of the parking lot. Girl throwing up outside her van door in a liquor store parking lot, then her husband appears with a brown bag obviously containing a bottle. It's one of those things that are funny now but certainly wasn't funny at the time I was heaving my guts out.
I came home and immediately went to bed. Slept for 5 hours and woke up feeling loads better. Before I went to bed I took some exlax because those damn Atkins vitamins (I take 9 a day !) are making me horribly constipated. I want them to kick in tonight. Not tomorrow when I am driving to Fond Du Lac. I think I took them early enough where everything will work out ok.
I am wanting to write 100 things about myself that people might not know about me. This was something they were doing on a network group that I belong to and I am wanting to give it a try. Thought I would try it here instead of over at that group because I need to do it a little at a time. So here's my first contribution:
1) I have very low self esteem
2) I adopted two special needs children
3) My mom and I share a very close relationship and I would consider her one of my best friends
4) I actually like therapy
5)My favorite color is purple
6) I have two people in the world that would drop whatever they were doing to help me out. My mom and my friend Julie.
7) I think my friend Teresa is a fair weather friend.
8) I dislike my soon to be sister-in-law, but love her son (from a previous marriage)immensely.
9) I listen to country and 80's music.
10) I love to travel and want to visit all 50 states before I die.
11) I love Fall. It's my favorite season and I am looking forward to it.
12) I survived a cheating spouse and learned to repair my marriage.
13) I sometimes feel my husband pays more attention to his games than he does to me.
14)I smoke nearly two packs of cigarettes a day.
15) I love to do web design and toy with new business ideas.
16) I currently own more than 15 websites.
17) I *used to* have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and would clean my house from top to bottom 7 days a week, 365 days a year. (sometimes more than once per day).
Ok, that's a start. I am paranoid about losing this post so I am going to stop here. Besides, I feel that exlax starting to work. :)
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9:04 pm - Here I am again !
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I weighed in at 274.5 lbs. on Monday, August 16th, 2004. I started the Atkins diet on the same day.
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| Monday, February 17th, 2003
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8:22 pm - Monday Night
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I did amazing today ! I had a bowl of cereal (some yucky kind) and for dinner I had a plateful of meatloaf, butter beans (yuck !), mashed potatoes and cottage cheese. I have walked 8,946 steps AND rode my exercise bike at a slow pace (watching Survivor that Timmy's teacher taped for us) for 20 minutes just my legs and then 20 more minutes arms and legs. Ok...and if that's not all... my husband was true to his word and we made an exercise plan to do together. It's things like sit-ups ( 3 different styles...only 10 of each), thighmaster (Jon is going to use it for his arms), jumping jacks, stretches, push ups, etc. We did all that tonight. We will do that together 5 days per week. I am pooped but not half as popped as Jon. Now that's sick ! I outweigh him by 96.8 (exactly) pounds and I can go longer than him and get less winded. It goes to tell you that all this walking must have obviously paid off huh ? I feel really good even though I am a little sick of exercising today. :)
My mom is planning a weekend for all of us. We will go to Door County and stay at a motel with a pool. I will be happy to see my mom and dad and Steve but HATE that it revolves around a pool as I am not going to swim in front of people. Tim and know it all...I mean Sue...and Tristan (know it all's gorgeous little son...he's 4) MIGHT come up. My mom says we do not have to pay for anything. Just the gas to get there. She said she will get two rooms and we can all share. Man I just know I am gonna get stuck in the same room as know it all. I just know it. I can hardly stand to be in the same room with her for more than 15 minutes and now I may get stuck with her for a weekend ? Holy shit what did I sign myself up for ? And then she will wear a swimsuit too. I am not all that embarrassed about my weight but the psoriasis thing...that will make me feel terrible. I am looking forward to seeing mom and letting Alli and Timmy have fun but ughhh...the thought of Sue just bugs me and we haven't even planned the weekend yet !
On a side note...my little bro sent me a picture of him and know it all from when they went to Arizona. very nice picture of both of them. But she's still a know it all. (sticks tongue out !)
current mood:  excited
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2:08 pm - Workout buddy ?
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Not much new here. Kids went to school and Jon and I took a nap. Jon wants to gain weight. He has said this for years because his is very, very thin. 6'4" and weighs 148 lbs. Get this...he weighed himself on my body fat scale and his body fat is 11% !!! Is that sick or what ? (Normal is 14% or higher for him). Anyway, he claims we are going to be workout buddies. We will see how committed he is. His goal weight is 185. My goal weight is 185. We made a bet to see who could get there first. I don't remember the winner getting anything but I will check on that. I told him that I would be happy to reward him per pound gain like he rewards me for my pounds lost. I am certainly willing to give as he does for me. (Oh my god did I just say something nice about my husband ?)
current mood: hopeful
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| Friday, February 14th, 2003
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8:00 am - Happy Valentine's Day !
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Well today was weigh day and I lost another 4 lbs ! Hooray ! Yeahhhhh me ! I earned a subscription to WW magazine, a 10-15 minute massage, an item of makeup of my choice and a pampering foot package from Jon. The pampering foot package is this... one day after I shower, I will trim my toenails and remove the old polish. Jon is going to massage my feet, use a pumice stone on them, paint my toenails and cream them all up ! Sounds yummy doesn't it ? I think it is a nice reward. Jon usually helps me paint my toenails because my stomach was so big that it was rather difficult to do a good job. Now how sick is that ? Fair is fair, I trim his moustache and goatee for him ! :) Lots of nice rewards this week ! I am now down 24.5 lbs !
As I said all throughout this week I am going to keep 8,000 as my step goal this week and try to add in extra thighmasters, perhaps some floor exercises and maybe increase my situps to 8 each night. I need to put some kind of variable into it because I don't want my body to "get used to" the amount of activity I do and slow it's losses. I will exercise harder in other ways so that I can break the routine.
I found a good website....http://www.getting2goal.com It's about a lady that lost buck-o (how the hell do you spell that ?) weight. Her husband is not bad looking either...hehe ! (His photo is under inspirations section).
Today I had a Reese's peanut butter heart that I have been craving all week. It was very yummy but thankfully my teeth hurt when I eat chocolate so 1 satisfied me. Today is junk day ! I am already drinking my water and will try to drink a glass before Jon and I go back into town as we are having lunch together today for Valentine's Day. Yesterday he bought me this absolutely adorable stuffed animal ! It was a lamb. Only it doesn't look like a lamb.Looks like a big shaggy sheep or something. It was in the Easter section which they are now putting up at Wal-mart. Jon asked me why I didn't pick out a Valentine's stuffed animal....I am not all that into stuffed animals really...I only own 1 other one...but this one was so adorable and I didn't want anything but him. Interesting fact that you may not know about me....I sleep with a stuffed teddy bear. Jon bought it for me for our first christmas together. It's a small purple bear named Millie. (Favorite color...named for the Millennium !) Each night we have this silly little routine that we do. I kiss the bear, Jon kisses the bear, I kiss the bear, then Jon and I kiss. (Usually a french kiss). Then we get comfortable (me on my side and Jon right up against me). Then we rub feet and he squeezes my boob (twice). Jon tells me "sweet dreams" and I say, "No, YOU have sweet dreams" and then Jon tells me "I always do, I dream of you". Then Jon tells me to sleep good. Then I say, "No, YOU sleep good". Lastly he says, "I love you Dawn" (or sometimes he says Mrs. Turner) and I say "I love you Jon". I know this sounds very silly but it started off with one thing and a gazillion things have been added to it over the years. We are a bunch of cornballs. (But neither of us can fall asleep without doing it first !)
Sometime this morning Jordan's mom is coming over to help put the treat bags together for the Valentine's party at school. Let's just say it was allot of work and that damn kid better not sign up for anything else anytime soon. I made little soaps for the whole class, decorated candy jars, did Timmy's treat bags, sorted candy, counted candy (for the guess the amount game) and did a whole bunch of other crap too. I injured myself in the process too. Our heat sealer (yes the damn brand new one) which is used to shrink wrap soaps is going. You have to put mondo pressure on it to get it to seal. Stretches some stomach muscle everytime you do it. I feel like I did a 1,000 sit ups today.
That's about all the news I have so far today.
current mood: happy
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| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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10:37 am - Thank you Lord !
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Just wanted to say thank you to god and to my friends who said a prayer for my mom. Her appt. started 15 minutes ago and she is already on her way home. The mass they found is NOT cancerous. It is breast tissue pressing up against the lymphnode. They did a special kind of mammogram where it finely magnifies. The radiologist reads it immediately. We cried tears of joy !
Thanks for remembering my mom. :)
current mood: relieved
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| Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
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8:44 pm - Wednesday Night
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Don't forget to include my mom in your prayers. She goes for the tests tomorrow (Thursday) at 10:15 am. (CST). Would appreciate it if anyone would just sneak a prayer in for her. :)
My day went wayyyy better than it started off this morning. We got lots of orders out today and I got to take care of some "side projects" of mine too. I have this problem... I have a million home business ideas running through my head. I can never seem to shut them off no matter how hard I try. I look at other people's business models and think, "how can I fix that ?" How can I make it better ?" "How can I make that more profitable ?" I swear I should open up a work at home business consulting firm....haha ! I'd be loaded by now. Anyway, I am working with one of my gazillion ideas. Little side project that is going to be virtually self running and hopefully will grow to be a nice side income. All my little side projects keep getting put off but today I finally talked to a programmer and I like him allot and think I will hire him for the job. The guy has built databases for M&M/Mars the History Channel and A&E Television. So I think he is a good candidate. If he can work on projects of that stature, he can certainly work on my little old project. I called him on the phone because it was easier than trying to explain exactly what type of database system I wanted and he was cool. :) If any of you ever need a job lemme know...hehe ! Anyway, that made my day. I never seem to have enough time to work on "me" stuff so it felt good to block the world out for a few hours and work on something I wanted to be doing at the moment.
In other news....the lady's money orders arrived today. In fact she overpaid me by 18 cents...haha ! Felt good to actually have it in my hands and put this order to rest. I love each and everyone of my customers. Big and small. They all make me money that feeds my family, pays the electric bill, puts gas in the van, etc. but I have noticed lately that each customer must think that they are my only customer and that I can pop out $500 orders at their whim. It's sad because I think when you have to start implementing some sort of "rules" that suddenly you don't look like a small friendly little company anymore.
Had ring bologna and sliced potatoes for dinner. For lunch I had a helping of leftover ribs form last night. I drank all my water (plus some)and have almost all my steps.
Lisa might be having some sort of back surgery. If she agrees to it they will put a catheter up her spine and burn some nerve. She would be off for over a month. She said Luke would come work for her. Luke, as in her bum for a boyfriend. Say what ???!!!??! I don't think so.
In other news they chose a Valentine's party committee in Alli's class. It was made up of Alli, her friend Jordan, some boy named Dakota and a girl named Stephanie. Turns out Alli was the only one offering input. So the teacher stepped in and tried to divert some of the responsibility off of Alli. In the end, the boy never showed up to the meetings and the group did not have any organization at all. Nobody knew what they were supposed to bring or even the actual responsibilities of the committee. Jordan's mom called me and we ended up putting the entire thing together. She is coming over Friday morning so that we can put the treat bags together. We made up 4 games and made a list of what each kid (well their parents really) has to buy/bring. I am bringing sausage, 2 games, prize for one of the games, some treats (which I already bought for Alli to give to her class anyway) and then I am making these little soaps for the treat bags. They are conversation hearts (they say things like kiss me, I'm yours, hug me, etc.) I will scent them in kiddie scents like cotton candy, bubble gum, strawberry, etc. Oh yeah...I have to send napkins too. I told alli not to be on anymore committees anytime soon...haha !
current mood: satisfied
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| Monday, February 10th, 2003
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6:23 pm - Monday, Monday
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I have been pretty busy all day and haven't had a chance to write. Jon and I went and bought Alli's bike and did some running around. When we got home there was a package from my mom. So we opened it. It had some goodies for the kids for getting good report cards. Alli got a gameboy game...another Mary Kate and Ashley one called Girls Night Out. Timmy got a 2 CD set of kiddie songs. My mom calls Timmy her Sunshine and always sings You Are My Sunshine to him. This CD set had that song which is why she bought it. He also got a musical light up toy. Looks like a CD. Wherever you touch it it starts playing music. The rest of the box was filled....and I do mean LITERALLY filled with Cookies, Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts and Ding Dongs. (I love Ding Dongs). I ate two chocolate chip cookies and had a bite of Jon's Ding Dong. Gee that doesn't sound good does it ? :) Other than that I had a WW entree for lunch. Right now I have 7200 steps and will get to 8,000 before bedtime.
When Alli got home I told her to put her clothes in her room. When she opened her door and saw the bike I snapped her picture. She was just thrilled. It was a purple 24" Mountain bike. A real nice one but only $68 at Wal-Mart. :) Then she opened her present from grandma and grandpa. Then we had to all hurry up and get in the van and drive to Portage (Jon and I had already been to Portage earlier) and go and pick up Alli's glasses. She looks so good in them. Right when she tried them on she could instantly read the little card the nurse was holding and lemme tell you..that writing was teeny !
We filled out Timmy's Valentine cards when we got home and then sent some to Alli and Timmy's little cousins and grandparents and stuff. I answered some customer calls and now I am here. I need to hurry and write this because I have to make dinner and then do some work. (Lotion sticks and bath teas). Jon is doing lotions and bath salts. (Yes, the bath salt tubes finally arrived today ! Hooray !)
When Jon and I went into Portage today I went to Fashion Bug. I had earned an outfit when I hit 249. (Closer to 200 than to 300). I also had a $50 gift card from my mom for my birthday. I couldn't find any of the pants I like so I bought 4 shirts. Wayyyy cool looking. Ended up spending $85 but it wasn't bad at all cuz I had the gift card for $50.
current mood: accomplished
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| Sunday, February 9th, 2003
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11:02 am - That's My Girl !
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I forgot to mention something to y'all. Alli made her goal. She did 7 days doing what she was supposed to be doing. She doesn't know what the prize is yet but Jon and I are going to buy the bike on Monday when she is at school. Gonna put a big bow on it and put it in her bedroom. She always has her door shut so that Sammi doesn't eat her turtle so she should be really surprised when she opens the door.
She had outgrown her other bike and needed a bigger one. (she is tall !) Anyway, I only wish it wasn't snow covered outside. Kinda mean to give a kid a bike in the dead of winter. However, to be honest I thought it would take til Spring for her to get it. She surprised me though (pleasantly) and I have to pay up. A deal is a deal.
Way to go Alli !
current mood: proud
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11:01 am - Sunday Gratefuls
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1) I am grateful because I paid every single bill I had and still had a positive balance in my checkbook. :)
2) I am grateful that my husband didn't walk out and fall off the wagon yesterday.
3) I am grateful that my mom didn't "skip" her mammogram. (she almost did because her one breast was tender because the air bag hit it in the accident).
4) I am grateful that Leftee is making some headway in realizing that she is more than "a nice person" and seeing a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel and also realizing that Doug is not a man of substance.
5) I am grateful that my son, who was ot supposed to live to see his first birthday is now 9 years old. (10 in April). I am grateful that my son is learning new things. He learned the whole "Elmo's World" song and at the end he yells "good job !"
6) I am grateful for a moment like this....Alli came in just now and told me that she heard a commercial on the radio for a psoriasis cream. I told her I already had it and that I didn't like it because it stunk. So I showed it to her and then I showed her the other treatment I had been using. When I pulled up my sleeve to show her how it was working she said, "Wow !" in this really enthusiastic voice. :)
7) I am grateful for my daughter's hard work in getting an awesome report card. It is a struggle for her and I am grateful that she makes an effort and that her effort is visible to HER.
current mood: grateful
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| Saturday, February 8th, 2003
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2:45 pm - Saturday Check In
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I don't really have too much to say as I have only been working today and it's not real exciting to talk about printing labels and making soaps. :) I sent my mom a card today. A card to let her know I am thinking about her. It says, "No Matter What You're Going Through" (and you open it up and it says "Heavens watching over you". Then I wrote a sappy, sentimental note inside.
I need to get moving today ! It's always tough when you do so much sitting for your job. I had a bowl of cereal so far today. Not sure what we are having for dinner but I hope it's simple because I am far too sleepy to do anything grand.
My friend Julie lasted 4 days on her fast before she started getting sharp pains. She talked to the pastor who said she could eat a small meal each day or fast on a favorite item or something. Question...why did she need to ask the pastor (or anyone) if it was ok to stop something that was causing her pain ? Duh !
current mood:  uncomfortable
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| Friday, February 7th, 2003
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9:11 am - Weigh Day !
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I weighed in today and lost 1.5 lbs. this week ! Not as impressive as the past few weeks but I will take any loss I can get. I ate less food this week than in any other week, drank all of my water and did more exercise than previous weeks. Makes me think about how they say the basic concept of losing weight is burning off more calories than you consume and wonder what variables can play a part in that.
My goal this week is to get 8,000 steps per day, do 25 thighmaster exercises per day (squeezing the thing 25 times) and to implement the use of my 2 lb. weights when I do some of my walking. (Mostly my hallway walking). I also plan on doing 5 sit ups per day. (baby steps...I hate sit-ups !) I plan on achieving this goal 6 days this week.
Next week I am thinking about changing my exercise plan a little. I am thinking about increasing the amount of exercise but decreasing the frequency. I want to vary it every few weeks so that my body doesn't fall into a "rut" of the same old, same old. Jump starting it I guess I would call it.
Jon and I are going into town to buy some supplies and stuff. I think I might buy myself that outfit I earned. Feeling blue lately and need a pick me up. Maybe I will look for another pair of silky pajamas. Like I said, I don't wear jammies to bed but I do like lounging around the house in something silky. (Usually it is a top with silk pajama pants). Makes me feel beautiful. And I need more of that.
Hope everyone is having a great day ! As for me...it's junk day ! (Lookout world !)
current mood: depressed
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